I have a knack for making song lyrics my blog titles lately, eh?
Now I am not a skatting orangutan who wants to be a human, but I do have a similar dilemma as King Louie. Louie wants to be a human so he can know the secret of “man’s red fire” because it will give him superiority with his “cousin” Mogley. The kid has something he doesn’t have, he’s jealous, discontent, and eager to change who he is so he can have a one-up on every one else.
Ok, that was probably far more in depth than you’ve ever cared to go with a Disney movie. We won’t even delve into Ariel and Jasmine’s obvious daddy issues. Another blog, another time. Back to the orangutan’s issues.
How many of us can deny that there is a person, whether we know them personally or not, that we want to emulate, be like, or actually be? The pretty girl whose hair is clearly fake; there’s no way those locks fall flawlessly like that. The woman who manages to juggle a full time job, cooking stellar meals for husband, decorates her house perfectly and has time to blog about it daily; is she a robot? Or the person who can make anyone and everyone laugh with one word; I had no idea someone’s wit could be that quick. Or the person who seems to have the strength and kindness to respond with grace to any situation, regardless of the pain that it may have caused them; dude, are you Jesus?
We have all encountered people in one of these categories. They are those in our life that we not only respect but of whom find ourselves envious.
I was horribly convicted of this today. I was having a cranky morning…umm I should be more specific. I’m cranky every morning. Just ask señor and his morning-person personality…My morning just felt off. After some pilates with the neighbs, I came to the apartment for some Jesus time and relaxation.
It became more like Laura’s mind trails off into thoughts of discontentment with her self, her tiny apartment, lack of funds to fix said apartment, the gray sky outside, the unclean dishes, and her inability to focus on Jesus time…with little to no relaxing going on.
Sometimes it’s dangerous for me to be by myself for too long. I start thinking about all the things I want to change about my present place in life. Whether it be what I’m doing in that second, what I chose to wear that day, the way I interacted with a friend or señor, or something about who I am, I am always seeing something that I want to change. And when there’s something that we want to change, we tend to have a goal in mind. We see something and think, “That’s what I want to change insert thing here to.” When that ‘thing’ happens to be myself, I naturally lean toward trying to be like someone else.
What a great disservice to who God made me to be.
What a great disservice to who God made that other person to be.
It’s the curse of comparison. Girls are wrecked with it. Everyone else is prettier, smarter, funnier, better-at-everything-else than I am–it’s a sad lie we believe. I struggled with it most while living in a dorm of 300 gorgeous, God-loving women. How can I compete with that?! At the core of these comparison issues is discontentment.
What I was convicted of today is that when I see only what I’m discontent with in myself and how so-and-so is better in such-and-such a way, I discredit how God created me and how he created them. There is always room for self-improvement. There are dark areas of my life that I have not opened up to the Lord to fix and still attempt to keep hidden. But when I see faults within myself or areas of myself I don’t like, my first reaction is to wish I was like someone else who clearly has it together. What a lie this is also.
The truth is that sometimes I’m just an orangutan who wants to be a human; I’m a girl who wants to be someone different than how my Creator made me. I’m a girl who needs to find contentment in the beautiful work that God has done in my heart and my life. I need to claim his love over me and his creation of me–of Laura. It was on purpose. And he just wants me to be like me.